Spacey-Wacey Accidenty
by ActualAnemone
Summary: The Doctor crashes into Skulduggery and Valkyrie while they are flying away from an angry hoard of vampires
1. Chapter 1

Valkyrie Cain jumped off the library roof. It was a rather tall building, with spikes on the window sills. Valkyrie concentrated on the air. She felt the cool air rushing through her fingers and the air whipping through her dark hair. It solidified and Valkyrie pushed it. She was slowing to an almost stop. But the vampire that had been chasing her earlier was tumbling towards the ground. It landed in a standing position and looked up at Valkyrie. It's eyes were full of hunger, it's thirst for blood not yet quenched. "Oh hell." Valkyrie muttered, as she drifted to the ground. The vampire leaped and grabbed Valkyrie's leg. She tried to shake it off, but it held it's grip. She punched it and it let go. They reached the ground and Valkyrie kicked the vampire away. There were more vampires now, at least thirty. She ran to the part of town that was deserted, the vampires only a hair's breadth away from her.

They leaped and Valkyrie rolled under them. She came up and punched one as hard as she could (which would have broken it's jaw if it were human). The vampire went down, but there was another one to take it's place. Valkyrie clicked her fingers, generating a flame. She poured more magic into it and it grew in to a fireball. She hurled in random directions, not really doing much damage but at least they were distracted. There were too many of them. One leaped on her and tried to penetrate her thick, armoured clothes. Then it saw the bare skin on her face and bared it's teeth, it's fangs getting closer. Valkyrie pulled some of the potion-thingy that keeps vampires from turning at night from her pocket and unscrewed the top. She threw the contents at the vampire as it was about to bite. It screamed in pain and fury.

A fresh coat of skin began growing over it's bone-white scalp and it began to grow hair, it's fangs shortening. She spotted Skulduggery flying down to help her, his hat looking dangerously close to falling off. He landed beside her, his skull gleaming in the moonlight. "Grab my arm." he said. She didn't argue and held on to his bony arm. He put his arm around her waist and launched himself into the cloudy night sky. Valkyrie frowned as she watched the vampires get smaller and smaller.

"We can't just leave them there." she shouted over the noise the wind was making. "Valkyrie, there is no need to shout. I, being my brilliantly excellent self, have a plan." he pointed to the horizon where the sun was slowly rising into the sky. Valkyrie manipulated the air around her, so it wouldn't affect her. They flew back to the library with the spikes, where Skulduggery had been researching a famous author who was murdered: Felicity Pithanger(she left the boring bits to him). He was on the verge of something when the vampire guards attacked. Honestly, how many places have vampire guards? Valkyrie wondered as they hurriedly drifted to the library. Then the blue Police Box smashed into them. Knocked them right out of the sky. It hit Valkyrie right in the chin. The black spots appeared and grew larger. The last thing she saw before she blacked out was a young man wearing a tweed jacket and a bow tie poking out and pulling her into the Police Box.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! Sorry this one is short. Kind of ran out of ideas. Please feel free to review! Sorry I haven't been posting much but I will post more soon.**

 **See ya,**

 **DaFartingUnicorn49**

Clara Oswald was making a soufflé. Every single soufflé she made came out wrong. It came out flat or burned. Angie and Artie always groaned when she announced she was making a soufflé. But this time, this time she would make the perfect soufflé! She did the chocolate and flour and the eggs and the other stuff, then chucked it in the oven. She sat at the table and hummed that catchy Coles song while she read Melody Malone: The Angels Kiss. She was only on the second page when the TARDIS suddenly lurched, knocking Clara over in the process. She pulled herself up and opened the oven. Her soufflé had gone everywhere, all over the it. Sometimes she thought the TARDIS purposely destroyed her soufflés, just to annoy her. She sighed and took a cloth from the scrubbed until she wondered why she was even cleaning the oven at the TARDIS' expense. She eventually threw the cloth down and she ran back to the main control room. "Doctor," she called as she burst into the room. "The Snogbox hates me." He was reading her copy of Summer Falls by Amelia Williams.

"Well maybe if you stopped calling her that, she would be nicer." He turned around and jumped back at the sight of her frizzy hair and dirty face. "Clara, what on Earth happened to you?!" He said, flinching slightly. She sighed again. "The Snogbox ruined my soufflé."

"Did she really? Why did you do that old girl..." She left him alone with the Snogbox. It was best to when he started talking to her. If he had a wife she was sure it wouldn't out that well if he continued to talk like that to the TARDIS. She hurried to the dressing room and chose a nice blue dress and a black jacket. She threw the ruined clothes in the bin, combed her hair until it was reasonably neat and cleaned off bits of soufflé. Then came the bang that threw her off the feet. She raced back through the TARDIS corridors to the Doctor to find out what happened. When she finally burst back into the control room there was a living skeleton pointing a gun at him. The Doctor, being the Doctor of course, had his screwdriver out and was probing the skeleton here and there, curiosity taking him over. Clara sighed again. That was the third time today. She really had to stop doing it. But what else can you do when your best friend is probing a living skeleton in the head at gunpoint?


	3. Chapter 3

**Here you go! Another chapter! I hope this one is slightly longer (Sorry if it isn't).**

 **Bye for now, DaFartingUnicorn49**

The Doctor peered in curiosity at the living human skeleton in front of him. He took out his sonic screwdriver and scanned him. He was dead. But he wasn't. He had a conscious and everything, but he had no breath, no organs, nothing. He was a miracle. Like Roman Rory. The Doctor jabbed the skeleton. "Ow." He said, annoyed. "Stop that." The Doctor laughed and laughed. He could talk. "You can talk!" He exclaimed excitedly. "Yes, I can talk. Sticker for Captain Obvious over here." The skeleton sighed, very annoyed and creeped out by this point. "Ha! You have a sense of humour too!" The Doctor half-yelled. If the skeleton had eyes, he would have rolled them. The Doctor was in the middle of another full scan, when Clara ran in.

Skulduggery watched as the young girl stopped, rolled her eyes and sighed. Like a living skeleton was normal. There was something very wrong about that. Her friend, the annoying man, held the glowing green device to his ear. "Yup. Definitely human." He declared. "Oh. Hello Clara. Just in time. It's a skeleton!"

"I gathered that." Clara replied. "Just one thing Doctor. Why is there a skeleton in the TARDIS?"

"I don't know. He just popped in."

Then came a voice from the floor: "Are the vampires dead yet? Where am I?" Valkyrie Cain groggily sat up and rubbed her head. She winced in pain before getting shakily to her feet. Skulduggery came over and she gladly took his hand. "Are you ok?" Skulduggery asked. "I'm fine." Valkyrie replied, a headache coming on. "How are you going to explain the rather large bump on your head to your parents?" Skulduggery questioned after a short silence. Valkyrie's eyes widened. She turned to Clara. "Do I have a bump on my head?"She asked. Clara nodded slowly.

"Crap. I'll ask Dr Synecdoche to patch me up when we get back to the Sanctuary." Valkyrie looked around. "Also, where are we." Skulduggery glanced over at Clara and the Doctor. They grinned at each other. "Then question's not where are we..." Clara began. "It's when are we!" The Doctor yelled excitedly, as he pulled a lever on the console. And before they knew it, everyone was on the floor again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello people! My chapters are short so suck it up. I hope you like this chapter! Pls feel free to comment.**

The TARDIS wheezed and groaned as it arrived at it's destination. The door creaked open and a young man with a bow tie poked his head out. "Hey, this isn't the Gardens of Arezandle! It's not even anywhere near it." The Doctor complained. "It's a miracle we actually get anywhere, Doctor, when you pilot the TARDIS with a spacey-wacey button, a toaster and an egg beater." Clara told him. The skeleton and the dark haired girl stepped out of the Police Box after the Doctor and his companion. "Are you a Teleporter?" Valkyrie asked. The Doctor frowned. "No. No I am not." He replied. Skulduggery cocked his head to the side. "You're the Doctor." He said.

"Yes I am." The Doctor nodded. "I've read about you. You're the Oncoming Storm. The one the Sensitives are talking about."

"The what-now?" Clara interrupted. "Sensitives. Mind readers. See the future." Valkyrie told her. The Doctor and Clara exchanged a glance.

"Are they human?" The Doctor questioned.

"Of course they're human. Their as human as you and me." Valkyrie replied. The Doctor raised an eyebrow.

"Well, they may be as human as you. But me? That's a whole other story."

Skulduggery tilted his head and Valkyrie's eyes widened as she realised what he meant.

"You're an alien?" She whispered.

"Yep. Sure am." The Doctor replied.

"But you look human!" Valkyrie argued, poking him.

"You look Time Lord. We came first." The Doctor told her. She just stood there with her jaw hanging down. Skulduggery politely pushed her mouth closed. She glared at him. He shrugged.

The Doctor finally realised that Valkyrie was talking about magic. He hadn't seen any magic since maybe, when he was travelling with Mel. They had seen a man for a fireball with nothing but his hands. That had been on Harigal 5. And Harigal 5 had exploded. The Doctor buried his head in his hands. "How do I not know about magic humans? I should know. Why don't I know?"

Clara put an arm around him.

"You don't have to know everything, Doctor." She whispered.

"Where are we?" Valkyrie interrupted. The Doctor looked up.

"I have no idea. Oh. Wait. No. Yes. Yes, I do. We're at the Intergalactic Annual Soufflé Baking Competition. Just a fun competition to bring everyone together. Held at the Starius Space Station." He glanced at his companion. Clara was staring at him, her eyes growing wide. Then she turned to the TARDIS.

"You did this just to annoy me didn't you?" She crossed her arms, waiting for an answer. The TARDIS made a hurt noise, Clara raising an eyebrow at the big blue box. Then she turned back to the Doctor.

"We're entering the competition." Clara told him. He shrugged.

"Ok."

Valkyrie stopped them, grabbing their arms.

"Wait, wait, wait. Backtrack a moment. We don't have time for this. We have to solve a murder mystery before this nut destroys the world, then I have a family birthday, before going to Australia to help the Australian Sanctuary with their screaming body problem and then-"

"By the way, the TARDIS can also travel in time. So we can get you back the second after you left." The Doctor cut into Valkyrie's to do list.

"Oh. Alright. Let's bake. But I'm warning you, I cannot cook. I am literally the worst cook on Earth." Valkyrie said, shrugging.

"Well, you're lucky this isn't Earth." Clara reminded her.

"Right. I keep forgetting we're in space. It really feels the same as Earth. Except for all the stars. And the fact that we're standing on a space station thing." Valkyrie smiled.

They all walked over to a large tablet set into a wall.

"Sign up here! Sign up here!" The tablet called out. The Doctor tapped the screen and added his email address. Then the enter your finger print came up. The Doctor inserted his finger into the scanner beside the tablet.

"The Doctor - registered."

Skulduggery stepped up next to place his bony finger inside the small box. He paused to tapped the sigils carved into his collar bone. Skin flowed over his bones and he put his now skin wrapped finger inside.

"Skulduggery Pleasant - registered."

Clara, who was practically jumping with excitement, shoved a small finger into the scanner.

"Clara Oswald - registered."

Valkyrie was last to put her finger into the box.

"Stephanie Edgley - registered." The tablet announced.

"Your team is complete. Please take your place for the first round."

The metal floor on which they were standing on creaked slightly as it zoomed upwards, towards what Clara assumed was the kitchen.


End file.
